Sunday, January 2, 2011


I'm in the hospital right now with Mom, Dad, Nan and Papa.  Mom is in labor :]  My dad woke me up at 2:30am this morning saying "Let's go to the hospital!" I immediately became wide awake and felt like I was waking up at a normal time, there was no oh my gosh, it's too early for this thoughts running through my head or anything.  Now there is.  It's 5:34am and Mom's 4centimeters (I think, maybe more now.) Her contractions are REALLY bad but she's doing so amazing, she's not swearing, yelling, and she's only shed but two tears.  It still makes me really sad because each time she has a contraction (which is like every three minutes) I want to ask "Are you okay?" and run over and hold her hand.  But I resist because my dad is holding her hand, he's helping her through, and the last thing I want to do is overwhelm her.

Anyway, back to this morning.  We were all getting our stuff ready and then when my dad went out to scrape off the windows on the car, he came back in saying that the car battery was dead.  Seriously.  So we called Nana, told her it was time and that we needed a ride.  About 45 minutes later we were on our way to the hospital, all three of us (well, technically 4 ;D) squished in the back of my Nan's car.

Then we went through all the stuff, blabla and now here we are! I'm sort of bored, and just a bit tired.  Haha :] But you know, after being awake for this long my body is awake for the day.  So I've got my coffee, donettes and the laptop.  :] 

I'm really excited to meet Morgana, I mean really. I'm also nervous.  I am a big sister all ready, but not to anyone that lives with me, not to anyone that I have been in the hospital for their birth.  I'm scared to take on the responsibility of being a big sis, scared that I might mess up or teach her wrong or make her hate me.  I know these things probably won't happen.. but, you know.  Things do happen, things can get messed up.  But I guess that's nothing I can control so there's no use in worrying too much about it.  I hate that I'm so much older and that When Morgana is only 5 I may be in college already.  My older sister and brother (sis 24, bro 23) don't visit too often and in ways that's their own fault.  I just get so sad not having them around though, not being able to show them all the things I'm learning and how fast I'm growing up.  I wish all the time that they were my age (or super near it) so I could live with them and have the normal experience of having siblings.  I really hope Morgana never feels like this, I hope she never sees the oddness of me living out of the home and the greatness of our age difference.  I will visit her and my parents so often, that she hopefully never grow to despise me like I have at times towards my own siblings.  I also think it'll be pretty cool that she might get to invite her friends to go to all my plays and ballets, that she might be able to go "Hey, that's my big sister" when her and her friends are watching a movie.  That she might be proud of me, that she might look up to me.  I know I will be proud of her, I already feel her potential and her originality though I've not met her yet.  I know she's beautiful, I know she's smart, I know she's a good little person.  And I know that my parents will raise her right.

Done with my cheesy speech that's almost got me in tears now :P

Mom's still having horrible contractions.. God, I feel so bad.       :[ soon it will all be over though.. and we'll have ourselves a little Morgana Amber <3

I am SO upset that I won't be able to go to school tomorrow (probably) ... I was so looking forward to that after not being there for the past two weeks. It's okay though.  Morgana, you're worth it.  So worth it.

Goodbye, I'll probably post later if Morgana's not here yet.  OH! IT'S ALMOST 6AM! :D hahaha...that's so sad of me to be excited about that.  Anyway, Amy, I still promise I'll tell Morgana hello for you <3 I know you're here in the room in spirit like you said, I know you are. :]

I love you guys!


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